The beginning!

Intro

Hello!! Now, where do I start?…

Welcome to my page.

Broken into greatness is a journal of my journey of healing.

I am your average 20 year old on my tippy-toes trying to see the world, without uprooting myself. No great feat under my belt, no special upbringing, no tragic life event.. just your average Polynesian woman. But as ordinary as I am, I feel like I am destined for greatness. I love to write. I probably won't make it through a blog post without sneaking in a metaphorical description, or two. I also like to tell myself that I have a natural hint of a behavioural analyst in my genetic make-up. That probably didn't make sense but I've already spent too long of my precious beauty sleep trying to muster up anything that may resemble a talent so, let's move on.

I guess everyone has a reason behind creating a blog, whether it be after something has taken place.. or on the road towards something that is going to take place. For me, it's the first one. I fell in love with my bestfriend. It's been 7 months since things ended, even yet after typing that one sentence, my senses are numb. A rollercoaster ride is an understatement of what the last 7 months has been for me. After everything that happened, the most tragic thing is that I lost my bestfriend. He fell in love with me because I made him feel like he was the only guy on the planet. And I fell in love with him because… well.. I'm not really sure. But, I loved him and I still do. Fast-forward 2 years and here we are. He has been in a relationship with someone else for a couple of months now and I'm drinking gin at 3:43 on a Tuesday morning. It's funny how things turn out, you give so much of yourself so that he'll be ok even after your season in his life is done and then when that actually happens, you realise that you forgot about yourself… so now when he calls at 4am to talk about his problems you rush to his aid and one second everything seems fine because now he's happy, which makes you happy. But the next time you hear from him is when he uploads a 3 second snap of his girlfriend in his arms on his story and suddenly you're on your 4th glass, wondering if he knows that since he hung up that night you haven't stopped thinking about him. Things ended because I couldn't handle him caging me in, I was in a bad place because I thought I could handle it but it just kept getting worse. So, I left the country for 2 months only contacting him a few times. When I left, I was ready to throw in the towel. My life was a mess and I wanted out. But I got better for him. I came back ready to love him even more than I already did but he gave up on us, he was 3 sex sessions down and wanted nothing to do with our relationship. I was heartbroken. I still am. Now that is where "Broken into Greatness" begins… so buckle in and get ready, because it's going to be a bumpy ride.

– R.K

When I found God.

Uncategorized

So, I'm guessing you've read about how I was broken. Now for where the GREATNESS began.

I've always felt like my life has been a wild goose chase with God. I was baptised a catholic when I was a baby and it's weird to think that after being at a catholic primary school (and religous education being part of the curriculum), I had no clue how to see God as more than just the "Big Boss". I mean like, how to really build a relationship with Him. It took 20 long years but… God is always on time!

When I came back to realise the fate of my relationship, it really took it's toll on me. I started beating myself up blaming everything that had happened on myself. I never slept through the night and everything just spiralled downhill from there. I was desperate, though at the time I wasn't entirely sure what it was that I needed, I just knew that I had an overwhelming hollow feeling. Sometimes I would just sit in the corner of my room holding my mouth so noone could hear me cry. I always thought about God and I admired his relationship with my cousin who was so happy all the time.. I wished I had that. I found myself listening to Christian music to calm my anxiety, one song in particular. It's called Holy Spirit by Kim Walker-Smith. The chorus reads; "Holy Spirit you are welcome here, come flood this place and fill the atmosphere." Nothing calmed me down like this song did.

A few weeks after I got back, my cousin told me about a conference that Church Unlimited was running, with guest speakers from around the world. The conference had a registration fee but this particular night was free so my cousin invited me along and since I hadn't seen her in a while, I thought I'd check it out. Can I just say… best decision ever! Tears ran down my face as everything that the guest speaker was preaching about, felt like he was saying directly to me. When he was wrapping up his sermon, he asked everyone to close their eyes and pray for the next chapter of their life. When we did in all irony, the band sang the words "Holy Spirit you are welcome here, come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.." and the whole congregation of 3,000 started singing along. It was the most beautiful thing. In a crowd of thousands, I was alone with God and it was life changing. This is where my journey towards healing started.

I'll be sharing some of the things I've learnt so far. And I hope that someday, someone reads this and feels compelled to start their journey too 🙂

-R.K